Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comFor many of us, it’s really hard to know what we want, or even acknowledge that we have wants but I guarantee you that you have wants.
All humans want. We come into this world wanting. We want milk, connection, to be cared for, and to be comforted.
We mask to feel safe, not to hide who we are.
We hide who we are, because who we are is not safe in our current world.
If we want Autistic people to not mask so much, we need them to feel safe.
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comSome of us learn as small babies that there’s no point in crying because we won’t be answered, so we go quiet.
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comUnmasking My Wardrobe Color Choices
Hot take:
Masking mostly only exists for the sake of neurotypicals' comfort, and letting them go about life without putting in any work interacting with neurodivergent people, allowing them to in the back of their minds basically pretend we don't exist.
It's a special accommodation for the majority.
Neurotypicals get all this accommodation, expect all this accommodation, for our mere existence, and we get none for our actual difficulties and disabilities. This is bad; it ought to be the other way around.
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comInstead of, “I can’t unmask because no one will accept me,” what if it’s, “I must unmask because people already aren’t accepting this masked me?”
What if it’s, “I need to find out who will accept the real me.”
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comMost of us, to varying degrees, learn to suppress our wants in order to live around other people. Or, we become so convinced that our wants are inappropriate that we suppress them.
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comSince I was largely following social scripts that I had learned before I knew I was Autistic, and would say things like, “I’m fine” when I didn’t mean it, or that I liked someone’s artwork when I really didn’t think it was that good:
I assumed that everyone else was being completely fake at all times, especially when they said that they liked me or valued me in any way.
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comGrowing up, I learned enough of those social rules to (more or less (kind of)) fit in, but there were lots of leaks around the edges. People could tell. I don’t think anyone was truly fooled. And damn, that was exhausting.
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comAs you get more comfortable with your increasingly unmasked self, what do you hope may become possible that isn’t now?
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comYou get to choose how much to unmask, with whom and where, and you never have to do more than you’re ready to do at that moment.
Ohhhhhhhhh!
As it dawns on me that this has nothing to do with #COVID. #autisticMasking
@Cattz@paquita.masto.host@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic #autistic #autisticMasking
I got permission from the author to bring this amazing comic about masking here.
If you like their work and want to help them you can become a Patron:
https://www.patreon.com/c/autiebiographical
Or check out their shop:
https://www.autiebiographical.com/category/all-products
And I got their book (Xmas gift)!
![There's a reason autistic people can experience burnout due to masking.
[Image description: Honeydew explains masking to a friend. The comic is titled "Masking Job" and is made by Theresa Scovil.
Panel 1:
A friend happily asks Honeydew "Could you explain masking to me? I want to have a better understanding."
Honeydew smiles.
Panel 2:
Honeydew says "Sure. Have you ever worked in retail?"
The friend looks confused as they say "Yeah?"
Panel 3:
Honeydew says "Masking is like being in perpetual customer service mode."
Panel 4:
Honeydew continues. "You have to modify your behaviour to placate everyone around you to avoid reprimand."
Panel 5:
Honeydew goes on. "You also have to endure when you're uncomfortable. Any respite is often frowned upon."
Panel 6:
Honeydew finishes off by saying "Masking is like being an unpaid retail worker."
The friend looks shocked as they say "Oh. Oh god."]](https://cdn.masto.host/paquitamastohost/media_attachments/files/113/826/186/772/553/493/original/84304ad0a567f4b5.jpg "There's a reason autistic people can experience burnout due to masking.
[Image description: Honeydew explains masking to a friend. The comic is titled \"Masking Job\" and is made by Theresa Scovil.
Panel 1:
A friend happily asks Honeydew \"Could you explain masking to me? I want to have a better understanding.\"
Honeydew smiles.
Panel 2:
Honeydew says \"Sure. Have you ever worked in retail?\"
The friend looks confused as they say \"Yeah?\"
Panel 3:
Honeydew says \"Masking is like being in perpetual customer service mode.\"
Panel 4:
Honeydew continues. \"You have to modify your behaviour to placate everyone around you to avoid reprimand.\"
Panel 5:
Honeydew goes on. \"You also have to endure when you're uncomfortable. Any respite is often frowned upon.\"
Panel 6:
Honeydew finishes off by saying \"Masking is like being an unpaid retail worker.\"
The friend looks shocked as they say \"Oh. Oh god.\"]")
wtf is the name of that autistic group on here?
And was it a profile bot thing or a hashtag?
It's a group thing you tag (somehow!) that then @s the rest of the people following it?
(Do I count as an #AutisticElder if I'm over 30 years old?)
bwahahahah tis ActuallyAutistic, of both!
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comThe whole idea of unmasking is listening to yourself, so listen to yourself about what you feel okay with right now.
You know how sometimes you wouldn’t have noticed that someone is drunk if they didn’t try to behave ‘sober’ so hard?
To me, most embarrassing and awkward things in my life occurred when I tried to ‘act normal’ hardest, without having enough time/resources to do proper research about the environment and energy to fully stick to the chosen mask
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comSome of us developed this masked self and that masked self actively hurts us for other people’s comfort.
@Lydie @pitrouillesque @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Like, if they only knew the price of that apparent high-functioning-ness. They don't see the times, after days on end of seeming high function, when we just crash and struggle to motivate for even the things we care deepest about, because we've spent all our energy on doing all the things we're expected to...
*** Additional Hashtags Here ***
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #neurodiverse #neurodivergence #AutisticMasking
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comOnce you’ve unmasked, you’re going to find new relationships that are attracting the kinds of people that your unmasked self really resonates with.
Autistic Coach @hmm_cook@universeodon.comUnmasking is unlearning the damaging ways that we’ve learned to be around people.
