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(1/2) So today I had an intrusive thought and acted on it.
I was heating my serving of rao's "homemade" roasted garlic pasta sauce over the boiling pasta as usual, and then I remembered. sour cream. it exists in my fridge.
I rashly dumped three tablespoons of the white concoction (I only just noticed it was not normal sour cream, but the 50% Less Fat Sour CreamTM (1/3 the calories of sour cream)) into my pasta sauce.
With the pan splattered in white, I hesitated. My reality briefly shifted, the pan becoming a cutesy margherita pizza, adorned with blessed little mozzarella patches. Clarity returned, and I at once fully understood the horrible scene which had briefly belied me. What have I done... ah. The slimy splots beckoned me. The event horizon had already consumed me, and it was time to act.
I stirred and I tasted.
...wow.
(2/2) well, I have three minutes until the pasta begins to overcook to fix this.
A handful of random "mexican style cheese blend". At least the texture wasn't straddling some awful no-man's-land between tomato paste and fake cheese sauce anymore.
Searching the cabinets for sugar, none is found. I'm sure it's there somewhere, but time is of essence. I saw mirin was in the spice rack, but that seemed too risky and foreign to me. And then I saw it, the quintessential sweetener of the shadows: a bottle of high fructose corn syrup.
Two rounds of little golden dribbles was all it took.
My pasta did not overcook.
A wonderful texture like carbonara.
A taste indescribable.
10/10 would recommend.